Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize