at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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