you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
