I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
