I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
