Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
