I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I need to calm my uterus...
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
