Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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