At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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