Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
