I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
