Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize