We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
