If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
this must be what syphilis tastes like
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize