Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
