Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize