Sry I called you an 8
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Randomize
