mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
