It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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