What did we do last night that was yellow?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
My feet surprised me
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
