After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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