she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
