totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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