im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I need a hoe opinion
go on
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
