the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
