Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
