so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
operation harelip BJ is a go
Four minutes until I can fart!
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
