We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
