You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
