They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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