Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Randomize
