you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
