Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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