i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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