dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
