I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
