hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
