A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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