How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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