You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
