none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
