you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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