somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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