There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Randomize