I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
FUCK WHALES
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize