I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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