She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
