Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
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