Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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