my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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