Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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