Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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