Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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