Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
The best revenge is premature balding
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Randomize
