Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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