never play flip cup with pint glasses
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
