I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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