whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
You had me at "let me see your balls"
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
