listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
