If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
