ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize