I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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