sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
