I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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