If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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