i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
