yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
