White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
