Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
