I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
