Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
