After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize