Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
