operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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