I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
