she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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