I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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