apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
