We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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