and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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