We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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